15 January 2013

I Guess He Liked It


I had planned on writing a different post this week, but sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan— it goes better. :)

Saturday started like any other— plans to wake early shattered by the comfort of a warm bed and an even warmer body, followed by a bit of “quality time” with the boyfriend, or as he likes to call me “the-ball-and-chain.” Plans had been made for later that night to celebrate multiple occasions at dinner with a bunch of friends. So expectations for a pleasant evening were high.

I’ll admit, my heart wasn’t completely in it, but between work and school, that was to be understood. Nevertheless, I pushed through like a little trooper, juggling the attentions of the dozen or so people at our table. We ate, drank, and be’d merry. Come the end of dinner we all took turns sharing our resolutions for the new year— being put on the spot, I said the first, most simplest thing that came to mind: “Have more sex.” — I believe my boyfriend did a double take before swearing to hold me to it. He went last, at the time I thought merely for dramatic effect. He went down the line, giving mini speeches to each of our friends about how and why he appreciated them. There was a time about half way when I noticed this anxious crack in his voice. I thought to myself Oh god, my boyfriend is having a Kanye moment. I was legitly concerned that he was stealing the thunder from the friends whose occasions we were actually there to celebrate. However, none of them seemed to mind, so I just sat back and braced myself for the flurry of sentiment that would eventually come my way. Okay, that’s only half true, I yapped a bit behind his back while he was speaking, much to the chagrin to everyone around me, but I was honestly concerned, and the tension needed to be diffused.

As expected, he finally gets to me. He expresses his love and appreciation for the time we’ve spent together (fourteen months come the 29th), the things we’ve overcome and how much we’ve grown....

...and then he asked me to marry him.

Before I could even process what he said there was a ring, simple, yet elegant, sparkling the way I like things to sparkle. It was on my finger as I continued to process what had just happened. I hadn’t noticed that my frozen silence was starting to prompt people to look for the nearest exit. Thankfully, one of his bolder friends leaned over and asked “So is that a yes?!”

And yes, it was.

Naturally, my boyf— wait, no... fiance *giggles* and I had spoken about getting married before. However, I often harbored fears and anxieties that kept me from figuring out when exactly I would be ready. But after the shock wore off (no less than twelve hours after he slipped the ring on my finger), I couldn’t find any of those feelings that had been holding me back. I’d expected to be nervous, but I was serene. I’d expected to be timid, but I was glowing. It was then I realized, all that time I spent trying to be 100% sure, I was only psyching myself out.

The point of this conversation: Have a little faith in... anything.

I’m a perfectionist. But more than that, I’ve made a lot of mistakes. So I often hold out on making decisions now until I am sure beyond the shadow of a doubt. But this boy, he showed me that I can’t always wait. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. No one is ever 100% sure what’s going to happen before they act. The best we can hope for is to get close enough, and let faith take us the rest of the way.

Things may not turn out exactly how we hoped or thought— sometimes, they turn out better. We just have to be brave enough to make the leap.

Peace.

xoxo
Johnny C


**PS: Gratuitous ring pics**





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