01 April 2012

Sunday Tap

I can't take it anymore.

I have to apologize. For nearly two years, I have been fooling you all. It has been an experiment. I have been writing under the guise of a nelly-bottom gay man when in fact I am not: I am a straight American. I do not believe in gay rights. I do not believe in gay marriage. I do not believe in gay couples having children. I do not condone gay people living in happiness. I do not believe that gay people should have the same rights as every other human being in this world, let alone in this country. I mean seriously . . .

Why should gay people have the right to marry? They will just disrespect the sanctity of marriage. They will just end in divorce unlike straight marriages in which 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Also, just take a look at shows like the Bachelor or Bachelorette. These couples find happiness the good old fashioned way while honoring the institute of marriage.

Why should gay people have the right to have children through adoption or foster care? I say even if my straight brethren don't want their kids, they are better off alone in overcrowded facilities, inadequate straight couples, or jumping from foster home to foster home . . . you know, to find the right one.

Why should gay people be happy? I mean, can't they be gay behind closed doors? Who wants to see them walking out in public holding hands, kissing each other out in the open, or in the movies. Blech!


April Fools!

- DeeCue

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