04 April 2012

Pretty Pretty Please

What is it about the N line?!

So I was heading home from work yesterday and the moment I got on the crowded train, this guy started looking at me. Now, I swear to Gaga I don't normally get hit on a lot. There's just something about the N. 

Anyway, this guy is unfortunately... Rather unfortunate when it comes to looks. I was flattered none the less when he undressed me with his eyes every thirty seconds. His mouth hung open slightly like a dog in heat or a corpse in the morgue. 

The. He started giving this spastic 'come hither' head movement that could have been easily confused for a severe tick or seizure. Now keep in mind this was a very crowded, rush hour subway and I was attempting to read a book as I stood there being eye fucked from four people away... That's when he decided to play 'cute'. 

He had those big red Beats by Dre headphones on and he decided to pull out his iPhone and pick a song to head bop and mouth along to... All while still eye raping me and tossing his head in a 'get your ass over here' way.

First of all, when he lip synced he looked like a muppet. He didn't actually articulate anything with his lips, instead just opening and closing his mouth while closing his eyes passionately... Second of all, when he slipped his iPhone back in his pocket, the cable came out partially, causing the music to not only play in his headphones but also out of the iPhone speakers, blaring Pink's "Fucking Perfect."

Suddenly all eyes were on him as he muppet mouthed the words while undressing me repeatedly with his eyes. This poor guy didn't realize that everyone was watching him watching me. This continued all the way to my transfer. 

The look on the guys face when I got off was as if I'd just murdered a puppy in a church.

Point of the story: Flirting is flattering. Awkward flirting is just awkward for everyone. 

-Sir Gation

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