15 March 2012

One Night Stand


There’s nothing better than a (safe) one night stand. It’s a lovely way to end a night out on the town. Especially when that certain someone lives close to club and you don’t have to drag yourself home. No one should have to subject themselves to the crazies who make up the 1 train at 4am. What I don’t get is why you would think it would be acceptable to meet up with a person after a one night stand, because that turns into a two night stand or a relationship. 

On Saturday night I was out wearing my vodka shades when I met this guy. We did a quick little name swap and suddenly he began to blabber on about his dog. The conversation began and ended with him talking about his dog. How his dog has a name, how it can do tricks and how it had a bath the other day (all I heard was DOG DOG DOG). Not once did he ask me anything about myself, like if I had a dog or even if I liked dogs. I pretended to listen regardless because he was cute and it gave me something to look at while he yammered on about Fefe or Woofy or whomever. Yeah I was using a guy for his body and not his brain/dog-talking-abilities. 

So this guy, let’s call him Peter, no John. Anyway, John invited me back to his place and we walked because he lived only a few blocks from the club (score). As soon as we got to John’s place, guess who was there waiting at the door… Fefe Woofy. They were too excited to see each other. If John had a tail it would have been wagging. Now if you think this story is leading to a scene where the dog watches us hook up or bites someone’s’ testicles or even gets involved in some sort of sick threesome (bestiality is wrong!), then I’m sorry I wasn’t so predictable. What I realized was that I was stuck with a dog nut that had not social skills besides talking about his dogs favorite treats… That’s why I love one night stands. I wouldn’t ever have to hear about this dog ever again.

I left the next morning and out of courtesy we exchanged numbers. “See you never again” I should have yelled as I left his apartment. Before I could get home I received a message from John, “Woofy and I miss you already. We should do something tonight”. FML! I also made the mistake of giving him my name and he tracked me down on Facebook and added me. So not only has this one night stand stopped me from ever looking at a dog the same way ever again but now my news feed is full of pictures of his dog. 

How to keep it a one night stand:
1. DON'T GIVE THEM YOUR NUMBER!!!
2. Don't give them your real name
3. If you failed to follow the first two steps, move to another country. Australia seems to be pretty nice this time of the year.

Point of the Story: Talk about your dog A LOT if you never want to see them again.

- Cole

4 comments:

  1. I so want a guy who is like that about his dog ! I'd be calling his as I left his place. But, to each his own.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This really could have gotten out of control, Cole! Being excited about your pet is one thing, but in the realm of dating - dog, work, mom, etc. - give ME something. It can't be jsut about you and your obsessions. What about mine?

    PS. This reminds me . . . http://www.sotherewasthisguy.com/2010/08/team-jacob.html

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