09 February 2012

The Open Bar

The other day I stumbled into an always satisfying 10-11pm open bar. My friends and I always strategically plan out how we are going to maximize our alcohol intake. It's the cheapest and easiest way to get drunk in this city so why not take advantage of such an awesome event.

Tips for benefiting from an open bar to its full potential:
1. Stay close to the bar at all times.
2. Power through your drinks and don't stop till it’s over.
3. Every man for themselves.
4. Double fisting is your best friend.

An open bar can also be one most dangerous places in the gay drinking world. I’ve noticed that it’s the only place where gays fight out of the bedroom. Open bars are always crowded and everyone is in a rush to get their next free vodka drink before it’s too late. So when some son-of-a-bitch pushes in front of you and you miss out, then yeah, don't be shocked of you get slapped or stabbed (alcohol is serious business for some).

So this was exactly what happened right in front of me! Someone pushed in front of the wrong queen and the slappy hands came out. They obviously didn't go for each other’s hair out of mere respect. However, there was a lot of screaming and tearing of shirts. I actually didn't mind this at all because abs were being torn onto display. It was pretty hot until I wore someone's drink. A wave of vodka flew into the air and was caught by my conveniently dark shirt and unsuspected face. I regret not having my mouth open and wasting alcohol.

The fighting was immediately stopped as security pulled them out and everyone went quiet. I think some people were actually having a moment silence for the fallen vodka. The bartender pulled me to the front of the bar and gave me some napkins and said he'd get me a couple of drinks to make up for it. He was too busy apologizing to realize he was filling both of my cups with straight vodka. He noticed what he had done and put a splash of pineapple juice on top and then apologized for the extreme drinks. I only saw this as a win. Not only did I get to jump in front of everyone but these drinks were going to get me going for the night. Plus I was now wearing sweet vodka tonic cologne.

The point of the story: Don't push during open bars, it’s too dangerous. Oh and try and get a drink tipped on you and you'll get a couple of cups of vodka.

P.S the two guys fighting were making out by the end of the night. Maybe fighting with strangers will help you find your true love.

P.P.S the intense vodka drink ended with me waking up in Brooklyn next to someone. I named him Phil.

- Cole

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