20 February 2012

If I Were President

Back in the day, I watched all sorts of cartoons: Tom & Jerry, Thundercats, Silverhawks. But Popeye always stood out. Not that I was attracted to him; even though he was a sailor boy, something about those swollen forearms made me think he was going to be alone forever. I wasn't having any of that. It was a really entertaining toon that made spinach my friend. Lord knows I can't remember an exact episode. Except for this one. Olive Oyl, Popeye's gangly love interest got into a tiny disagreement about women running for President. Now despite the obvious sexism within her lyrics, the thought of a female president was so far fetched they could have had a black character or gay character for that matter sing the damn song - I'm sure the writers would include Fried Chicken (Popeye's, of course) or Drag Queens in some way. For godssakes, she talks about having silkworms on standby for stocking emergencies and more days off for honeymoons!

In any case, if I were president? I would attempt to make divorces illegal for straight people. I would question THEIR sanctity of marriage. I would call out those who remarried within the Catholic Church. I would make sure that their relationships were scrutinized. I would examine their parenting skills. I would make their lives as difficult as they try to make ours.

Point of the conversation: Get a gay up in there.

- DeeCue

PS. I was always a Bluto guy - some foreshadowing there.

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