14 November 2011

Titty Fuck Bro

I can't get enough.

In talking to friends about past posts regarding "straight guys" who just fuck around with guys to get their rocks off and that's it, I've thought about James. My friend lovingly calls him "Titty Fuck Bro." Allow me to explain. One slow Craigslist afternoon, I posted something very to-the-point that read: JO. Now.

It's been my experience that less is truly more - as in the less you write, the more responses you get. Again, the notion that "real men" don't say much comes into play. For example, let's say you ask a masculine gay guy and a feminine gay guy the same question - "What are you doing later?"

Gay "Gay Man" response:
Well, I'm meeting Pedro - you know Pedro? I took him to Griffin last Sunday? So cute! We are going to meet at the gym for a work-out and cardio. Last night was just TRAGIC! Ugh. I gotta work off those vodka-clubs cause you know I wasn't in any condition to work it off with anyone, okay? But anyway, after that we are probably going for brunch at "HK" because they have THE BEST brunch drink special. Have you been? You HAVE to go: love love love. Not sure what I'm doing after, why? What are you doing? Anything?

Gay "Real Man" response:
Nothing.

Makes you wonder if they are "straight acting" to portray what they believe a straight guy would say or if they really would respond that way or if they are playing a game because they know that is what you want to hear or if they are only saying it because they know you know that they know it is a trick question. Ugh, my brain hurts. Anyway, I stick to chatting with James after wading through the responses.

James: Hey man.
DeeCue: Hey, whats up?
James: Not much bro, you wanna come over and jerk to some porn?
DeeCue: Yeah, sounds good. Where at?
James: [insert address]. Cool, bro?
DeeCue: Sounds good. Should be there in about 15, just gotta clean up.
James: Awesome, man. You're discrete, right?
DeeCue: Yeah. Girlfriend here. (tee hee)
James: Cool, bro. Me, too.
DeeCue: Cool.
James: You do this a lot, man?
DeeCue: Nah, just used to with my fraternity bros in college. You?
James: Used to with this one dude. But not in a while, bro.
DeeCue: Sweet, see you in a few.

Did anyone else notice the excessive and alternating use of the hyper-masculine terms of endearment namely "man," "bro," and "dude" on his part? I know, right?

I head to his house . . . er, basement. He leads me through a dimly lit and cluttered laundry area, directs me to a towel, covered couch and motions to have a seat but to mind the laptop on a fold-up TV-dinner tray table with baby oil next to it. On the screen, I spy a few tabs up of straight porn with one already playing of a brunette in glasses, pig tails, and boobies bouncing as she is riding her tutor's disco stick . . . because this is what straight guys do. We shake hands and strip and commence. We watch the straight porn. Together. Naked. Next to each other. Masturbating. Next to each other. He puts oil on my dick. Then on his. Again, because this is what straight guys do. Every now and then, he says stuff like, "Yeah, bro." "Nice tits, right?" "Dude, that's nice." "Yeah, she can take it." But my favorite was: "Just two straight guys, jerkin' to straight porn, yeahh." To which, of course, I reply: "Fuck yeah." Every now and then, I'm Canadian and say, "Fuckin' eh." Bahaha!

He looks over as he is stroking himself and with a free hand strokes mine and says, "Nice tits, right?" Um, what?! I reach over and do the same and he then says, "She's fucking hot, bro." Sure. Whatever you want. "I'd tap that!" And then he slips a finger in my ass.

Point of the conversation: You're gay... Bro.

- DeeCue

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