11 August 2011


I’ve never hooked up online. By no means do I have anything against those who have, but for some reason or another I’ve never had the desire to have sex with someone that I met on the Internet. That being said, I’m also not the type to turn down a friend request on Facebook. The way I see it, the more friends the better. There’s something very gratifying about being told you have 900 friends, regardless of whether or not you even know half of them. But anyway, these two aspects of my life have conflicted in the past, as there are times when I get a friend request from someone who turns out to be only interested in hooking up. But when I get messages on Facebook from these guys, I usually just ignore them. That was, until I added Joe.

Joe and I had mutual friends, so I didn’t hesitate in accepting his friend request. (901, baby!) It wasn’t long until I got my first message from Joe, but what he said incited an unusual reaction from me. After his obligatory “Hey, how r u?” to which I replied “I’m good, how are you?” Joe’s next message to me was “Text me” with his number. I’m not sure why I got as angry at this as I did. Maybe it was because he didn’t even tell me how he was. Maybe it was because he gave me a command during our first ever conversation. Or maybe it was his willingness to give out his phone number over the Internet, alerting me that this was something Joe did often and I was just another cog in his sex machine. It could have been any number of these things, but at that moment I decided I was not just going to ignore Joe. I was going to teach him a lesson.

I asked him a number of questions. How often do guys actually text you when you do this? How long would it take for us to fuck after I texted you? How many guys have you hooked up with that you met on Facebook?

“This is my first time, a while, none why?” he replied.

He was all bullshit, of course. So I told him I wanted to fuck. I didn’t actually want to have sex, of course, but this would surely get some honest answers out of him.

“Ok, send me pics,” I was ordered.

My anger had reached another level. I have plenty of pictures of myself on Facebook. Good pictures, I like to think. But he wasn’t interested in me at camp or with my friends on Photobooth, he needed to know that this sexual endeavor was going to be worth the effort.

“So I need to send you pictures of my penis and body for you to decide if I'm worth the gas money, right?”

His attitude shifted slightly after this. I think he somehow began to pick up on the fact that I was getting upset.

“You’re making me really upset,” I said.

The apologies started to flow in. I began to think that I had done a good thing. Maybe I had changed this young man’s life forever. Maybe I had shown him how to be a gentleman; that he can’t just treat strangers he meets on the Internet rudely in the hopes of getting laid. Maybe, because of me, he’ll get offline and start meeting guys and build strong, meaningful, life-long relationships. Maybe I had changed him forever.

“So r u coming over?”

Point of the conversation: I was no match for Joe. But I don’t regret doing what I did. If someone’s not showing you the respect you deserve, whether it be at a bar or on Facebook, you should speak up about it. You don’t always have to ignore it. Who knows, maybe by speaking up you will make a difference in someone’s life and teach them something about how to treat people. That is, unless you get a friend request from Joe. In that case, just click "Deny."

- Kevin M.

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