26 August 2011

Jeremy Bart: Prom Cop

It’s funny how the ‘type’ of person you are attracted to can change so drastically through the years. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a swoony love moment for the grunge look – product of the Nirvana, STP, Pearl Jam era no doubt. I remember the type I was not and am still not overly attracted to and that was something I was reminded of recently.

About a year ago I got a friend request on facebook from this guy Jeremy I had gone to high school with. Jeremy was a year ahead of me and we were pretty good friends throughout the high school years, my school was small so everyone knew everyone. I was never overly attracted to Jeremy but he was a blast to hang out with when we did our group movie nights and bonfires and all those other under age things ya do to get through the weekend. Look wise he wasn’t busted, he was just vanilla – he didn’t push the fashion envelope, he wasn’t built like a jock, he didn’t look disheveled – he just was. This didn’t tip my libido canoe then or now.

It was approaching prom time and our junior/senior prom was together. Jeremy asked me to be his date, I agreed and we were just going to do the ‘go as friend’s thing’ which took off a lot of prom pressure because I didn’t want to play pants off dance off while listening to Eternal Flame with him. Things were coming together nicely, we had the tickets, I had my dress and then Jeremy tells me that he can’t go because it was a money thing (um I paid for my own ticket and last I checked, renting a tux was next to nothing). I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh honey….’ Well no need to ‘oh honey’ me just yet. I called in re-enforcements and brought a guy from another high school – whoah holy scandal. How the prom plays out is a story for another time. It turned out Jeremy’s family was going through some tough times with an illness and everyone was cutting back to allow for some medical treatment prioritization. I fully respect that but why ask someone to go when you already know you can’t go?

Jeremy and I sort of stopped talking after this prom mishap and friends started taking sides in true high school fashion. Being the damsel dicked over, I kind of won most of them even though I didn’t really care that much, I think mostly because I didn’t have actual feelings for Jeremy, otherwise it would have been on like Donkey Kong bitch! I was happy that Jeremy was graduating before me though and summer was just around the corner so this whole episode could just dissipate like the vapors in all those chemistry experiments gone awry.

I go on to rock my senior year, kick the ass of college life etc etc etc and low and behold Jeremy tracks me down on facebook and sends the friend request. Unsure of whether or not I wanted to revisit the ghost of high school past, I left it pending for a few days then accepted. I see that he is married with several children all under the age of 6 living within 5 miles of where he grew up. He always talked about being a state trooper so I was interested to see if that’s where his career led him. Imagine my surprise to see he was an ‘entertainment security advisor at a large local retailer’ – translation, he was a mall cop. He then worked his way up to concert security and finally a bike patrol officer on a local community college campus then finally to a bike cop in a town with like 9 residents and 2 restaurants. Holy living there batman! Way to make your dreams come true! Perhaps he shouldn’t have watched the Police Academy movies as if they were a documentary on how to be head of your law enforcement class. But what do I know; I spend my days trying to stay out of cop cars not chauffeuring them.

Not long after we are friends on the information superhighway, he started sending me messages about wanting to hand cuff me in his boudoir and read me my rights with parts of his body, Segway off into the sunset, whip me into shape with his booty camp – I kid you not, these lines and that bastard is married and out there procreating! I never responded to any of these messages but I made it a point to comment on pictures of his newborn and how lucky he is to have such a loving family and all that other good shit you call someone out on without directly calling them out on while I use my status’ to make the occasional hater bash on why some people who are living specimens of deception should really re-evaluate and count their blessings because being single and fabulous isn’t for everyone – case and point Jeremy.

I look back at that prom mishap and thank my lucky stars that things never worked out and we drifted as friends, I kept on fighting the good fight of not standing for mediocrity and always demanding the best of the best, I see he took the rusted root when he got to the fork in that road of life and there are some rust laced cuts in life that even a tetanus shot can’t fix – he is living proof of that!

Point of the conversation: Not everyone is meant to Segway their way to your heart, but if they try to read the riot act to your in’box’ remember that just because you didn’t put out on prom night, doesn’t mean they are entitled to your later in life and significantly more awesome royalties.

- Scarlett

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