12 August 2011

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Missed a Spot

It’s funny how hearing a song can trigger a memory and life in present day gets put on pause then you find yourself right back in your apartment in college staring out the window trying to piece the situation together and make sense of a scenario that will never really be figured out when that same song was playing in the background serving as the soundtrack to your moment of discernment. That happened to me today. I heard a song on the radio that I hadn’t heard in years and was immediately brought back to when it was most popular and I was reminded of a moment in time I was hoping by now I had removed from my memory with age and cocktails – such is not the case.

Junior year I was at a party over in the townhouses on campus – this is where some juniors and mostly seniors lived. There was a guy in a one of my classes that had the ability to make me melt just by walking into a room – best feeling ever! This specimen of hotness, we’ll just call him Holy Yum because that pretty much sums up his existence, lived with Royal Douche. Royal Douche was in a one of my classes as well, from the outskirts of New York, walked around like he was Mr. Manhattan and bitch please, he couldn’t even be Mr. High Crime Newark if he wanted to be.

Royal Douche and I had an economics class on Wednesday nights – it was torture. The class was small and somehow he and I were partnered up by our Professor. Royal Douche invited me to a party at his townhouse that upcoming weekend. I nonchalantly asked if Holy Yum was going to be there and he said yes, clearly I had to go to this party.

Fast forward to the day of the party, I threw back a few Cider Jack’s because I was hard core drinking something out of a bottle and they were delicious ;-) I head over to the party, for some reason my roommates weren’t coming with me despite my efforts to get at least one to show up.

The party is struggling to get started but there were a few people there and a lot of alcohol, most importantly, I saw Holy Yum. I grabbed a beer and my big girl boobs and walked right over to him – swallowed the swoon induced nausea and got him to show me his room. We’re upstairs talking about life and all those deep thought conversations you have over cheap beer and mild desperation to fulfill your fantasy with the delicious upper classman before doing a walk of shame home in the morning. More people were showing up so we re-joined the party to play Circle of Death – a popular drinking game for this particular townhouse since they had their own version of the rules laminated – I know right?!

I play a few rounds and got stuck drinking the mystery cup once, I completed the task – gross! Thankfully Holy Yum was making sure I was ‘okay’ so he ‘helped me up to the bathroom’ in case I felt sick. We’re back in his room talking about tattoos which turned into a game of I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. It seemed like I was finally going to get to take a great big bite out of Holy Yum when it sounded like someone was about to break the door down. Holy Yum had locked it but this was a little too loud for someone to have just fallen into it because they drank too much and overshot the bathroom door. Holy Yum and I quickly re-robe ourselves, we had barely even started ripping each other’s clothes off so this didn’t take too long but felt like a glass shattering eternity. Royal Douche is standing in the doorway with a look of anger I had never seen on his face or pretty much anyone else’s. He starts going off at me about how I was invited as HIS guest and HE was going to make HIS move and how dare I not reciprocate and I’m just a whore and his roommate was an ass. Whatever the fuck, I just looked at Holy Yum and was immediately sobered up. Holy Yum and Royal Douche started their ‘dude’ fight and I was over this verbal tug of war. I collected my shit and made for the front door totally confused by what had happened and totally crushed that I was forever out of arms reach of Holy Yum.

Within a matter of minutes, Royal Douche comes running after me in the parking lot I took to get back to my apartment screaming his head off and just wails me across the face as hard as he can! Seriously?! You just hit me because I don’t like you, didn’t know you liked me and I wanted on your roommate because he was fuckin' hot and way more awesome a human being? That is real mature. I started yelling at him for being a colossal failure at life and how dare he raise a hand to me – as he tries to form a fist this time, someone grabs him, punches him and tells him to leave his girlfriend alone, grabs me and we leave the parking lot walking hand in hand. I had no idea who my ‘boyfriend’ was but was incredibly grateful. Turns out he was a transfer student living in my apartment complex just out of the military and was known to many as English.

English was about 6 years older than I was. We stay walking hand in hand, walk to the quad and sit on a bench. He asked me if I was okay after what just happened. I said I had no idea what the hell happened but was very thankful that he showed up when he did because although this whole thing was caught on security camera and the guards were watching, no one ever came to help. I also reassured him that I wasn’t ‘that girl’ in a bad relationship, just the wrong party with the wrong people.

English and I stayed on that bench for hours talking and making out like it was the last minute on earth before Armageddon hit. We eventually got back to the apartments; he stayed over but we didn’t do anything more than cop a feel of our respective ‘his’ and ‘hers’ parts – mostly because my roommate was home and sleeping in our room, we had bunk beds and mine was on top – she didn’t need to feel the earth move under her feet because I had no self-control. The next morning I was recounting for my roommates how the party soured and why there was now discoloration on my face and who the random guy was that was still in my bed.

I started hanging out with English a lot after that situation and every time I had class with Royal Douche, he offered to escort me. Royal Douche knew to leave me alone after that night in the parking lot and as much as I hated sitting in that classroom with him, I knew the semester was almost over and he would soon be released from campus and go out in the real world to fail miserably at everything he tried as corporate America doesn’t take too kindly to moving up the corporate ladder by hitting women. As for Holy Yum, word had quickly made it back to him about what happened in the parking lot; he apologized and said he felt responsible. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t his hand print on my face, just another scenario that didn’t play out the way I had hoped and wished upon stars for. I never really talked to Holy Yum again, he still made me flutter ever so slightly but everything and everyone in that townhouse soured me after that party. There is another chapter to the English chronicle but that will be for another time ;-).

Point of the Conversation: When a song brings you back to a memory best left in the past, it’s okay to skip that song and listen to one that puts a smile on your face and reminds of you of that time your friends asked you about the guy they heard you left with the night before at the bar that they just know you hooked up with –and you suddenly find yourself starting off your story – so there was this guy…

- Scarlett

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