04 July 2011

Jose, Can You See?

Happy Independence Day, America!

When I think of the 4th of July, I do not think of the fireworks or the Statue of Liberty or Whitney Houston's lip-synced rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at the 1991 Superbowl - which she killed anyway. No. I think of Jose.

Jose was one of those Craigslist responders who was "straight, but curious and open-minded." We hung out for about 6 months off and on beginning on the 4th, and it turned out he was a really intelligent and caring guy. We talked about "meaningful music," our families, and our lifestyles. He talked to me about how he respected me a lot more for wanting to be the bottom most times and understood how enjoyable it was.

Jose: Bro, I gotta give you props?
DeeCue: Yeah? Why?
Jose: The other night, I hung out with these two guys and they took turns fucking me. They switched off while one was fucking my face.
DeeCue: Sounds like you are enjoying your experimentation.
Jose: Yeah, kinda.

One of the conversations I remember clearly was once we got into a three hour conversation where American Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self-Reliance" became a reference point. In one of those post-pounding romantic scenes in a coming out movie - where the questioning married guy is draped by the bed linens while looking through the Venetian blinds, pulling one of the slats down with a finger and smoking a stoag using his thumb and forefinger, except i didn't smoke in the apartment so there was no cigarette and I was sprawled out across the bed completely ravaged - the conversation was led to why he thought it was okay to be gay.

Jose: I don't know; my friends think it's weird.
DeeCue: What's that?
Jose: Being gay.
DeeCue: You think it might be your culture?
Jose: What, me being Hispanic? Definitely. But I just think you should be able to live your life however you want to.
DeeCue: Funny you say that; read this. [getting a book off my shelf, thumbing through Self-Reliance]
Jose: "Speak what you think now in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today." What does that mean?
DeeCue: Well, to me, it means exactly what you were just saying: live your life. If you are experimenting, experiment. If you don't like it tomorrow, don't like it.

And as if the foot-in-mouth gods were paying attention to that 3am post-coital conversation, the next 3 months he did not reply to emails or booty-texts. Until the one that begged me "to give it a rest. You deserve an explanation because you are a great guy; essentially I was trying to compensate for the lack of women I was getting. I am over it now. Have a good one."

In any case, Happy Fourth, Jose; I miss hanging with you.

Point of the conversation: In theory, messing around with "straight and curious" sounds hot; in practice, it is a disaster.

- DeeCue

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