22 July 2011

Carpe Diem!

Whatever happened to people really embracing Carpe Diem? I mean I’d even sacrifice old school chivalry since that already seems to be dead unless you do it yourself. Can we make it mandatory for everyone to watch Dead Poets Society again and not stop until they take something away from it?

People are always saying you should live your life without regrets, but what happens when you find out after the fact about a regret you never knew could have been yours to make? I recently found myself in this situation… Thanks to facebook and its handy birthday reminder, I noticed that one of my favorite bartenders had a birthday just a couple of weeks after mine. I should probably back up a bit, this bartender was working at one of my favorite Irish Bars in the city and my partner in crime and I went in for a few libations before a Dropkick Murphy’s concert quite a few years back. It wasn’t really busy in the bar yet, so delicious bartender and I started talking and realized we went to competing high schools and colleges. I left pretty well toasted on my way to the concert after enjoying a few ‘newly created’ libations. Because he was trying new mixology, there was no charge for any of our tab, this became the standard. I started finding myself at this bar a little more frequently than usual – one night I got up the balls to leave my number for my yummy bartender, I was toasted so it took me a few attempts at asking my friend if those were ‘the numbers she uses to call me’ and in my attempt to sort of throw it in his direction, it landed in the sink full of sudsy water. Just as well, I can’t recall what # I left, but it was definitely short a few digits. This happened a second time when I got my digits right. I guess my basketball coach from yesteryear would be happy to see I still aim for a bucket, just the wrong kind in this scenario. Our cat and mouse unrequited love continued through the years and on my birthday last year when I went in, he was working – told me I looked stunning (which I have never been called before or since) and handed me some sangria. At the end of the night, he jumped over the bar and kissed me – it was a total chick flick moment – the rest of the world stopped existing and it was just he and I in the moment. And just like that, it was over and he walked away. That was the last time I saw him. I went to the bar a few times after that and began to wonder if he wasn’t there anymore. Not too long after that, he came up as a suggested friend on facebook because of some of our mutual friends I suppose. Anyway, I sent a request and he accepted. I found out he now lives in a beach town many many states away. He looks happy so that’s exciting and he loves his new life. Fresh starts are great for those able to make it happen.

He wished me a happy birthday a few weeks ago and I was looking forward to doing the same, which I did. Last night; however, I got a response to my posting and he wondered why I never made a move when he clearly made it known he was available and wanted to play a game of pants off dance off….. WHAT?! WHEN?! How did I miss that?! I mean I made many a sloppy attempt at trying to be nonchalant to get him to show me his after I showed him mine. He was taking care of my consumption, he knew what kind of shape I was leaving in so how I was to crack the code with no indication of a green light was frustrating to now look back and think about. I stared at the post long enough that you’d think I was waiting for him to jump off the screen, out of a cake and into my living room and I suddenly felt some sort of faux sadness or maybe I was pissed, it was kind of hard to tell the difference. I gladly would have allowed him a spot on my romper resume even if it was just once before he moved away but I was denied the chance and now I’m getting the burden of guilt? After 32 years of life, some things still don’t make sense… I listened to some Beyonce, tried to see if there really was anything of value in watching ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ – there wasn’t in this case. Then I got even more irritated that I had just done those aforementioned things, I mean for shit’s sake, what next, busting out an old issue of Teen Magazine?! I think not.

I guess I just forget sometimes that not everyone tries to embrace the concept of living without regrets and going for what you want in the moment you want it, even if it is a onetime piece of ass from the girl you are controlling like a puppet master by pouring just the right amount of liquor. Let’s all raise a glass to embracing life for what it is – a onetime ride on the best roller coaster, there will be sharp turns, occasional darkness before the light, slow times and fast, ups and downs but at the end of it, you want to get off the ride, look back at the track and say, God Damn, that was one amazing ride and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Point of the conversation: For the Love of God - Carpe Diem.

- Scarlett

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