27 May 2011

Devan

It’s bad enough when you have to deal with a jackass for an extended period of time and get nothing out of it; it's worse when you return to the neighborhood you met that jackass at several years later and actually get hit on by him again with the same approach as if you are brand new meat.

Five years ago, I was out with my best friend at a martini bar for our usual Thursday date. This part of town where she lived was still over-run with college age kids and since we were quasi recent grads, we enjoyed hanging out here on the weekends but our Thursdays were ‘swank’ which translated to drinking appletini’s and cosmo’s. A guy comes over to our table and asks if we like coffee – um who doesn’t? So, we say yes and he asked if we had Patron Café because it was tequila but tasted like espresso and he ordered us a round. We are chit chatting with the guy sent over to scope out the scene and we could tell he liked boys as much as we did, if not even a little more so we were ready to help him on his search but that’s when he flags over Devan and a few other friends. We start talking and Devan is not easy on the eyes or the ears but after enough shots we exchange digits because I was not yet as refined on the blowing off process as I am now. I basically never responded to his vanilla texts. We’d run into each other occasionally but he was just such a douche that I couldn’t bring myself to be nice to him – oh yeah, and there was that time he put me in a choke hold at a bar to see if I could get out of it – thanks to having two older brothers who wrestled and used me for practice, yes I can get out of a choke hold. After our bartender friend witnessed that situation, he put the ENTIRE bar’s tab on Devan’s credit card and told him never to mistreat a regular again.

Devan actually tried to text me a few more times after that and those texts went unanswered. I stopped hanging out in that part of town and had forgotten about the wonder that was Douchebag Devan. Last weekend, I returned to that end of town for a friend’s birthday and stopped at the martini bar first for old time's sake. As I sat at the bar, I see a tall guy come over to me asking if I liked coffee and had I ever had Patron Café because it was tequila but tasted like espresso – then asked me if a cute thing like me knew anything about sports because he was trying to explain baseball to me. Having grown up next to a baseball field and spending every blessed day of my life watching the sport, I do believe I know a thing or two and holy déjà vous batman: jackass in question was in fact Devan! I gave Devan the stare down and informed him that his antics didn’t work on me 5 years ago, they certainly were not going to work this day. I wasn’t in the mood to experiment with a repeat offender since the years that have passed have made me all the wiser. On the way out, I left my old bartender friend a few extra bucks and asked him to give Devan a shot and some advice on his approach to girls he’s already been rejected by – we both had a good laugh and on that note, I chugged a shot and left hoping two very firm strikes of rejection will somehow count as three and I won’t have to encounter him ever again.

Point of the Conversation: Einstein tells us that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Yes, I am quasi insane for going out every weekend hoping to maybe accidentally fall face first into someone awesome; but those who never change their approach after years of chronic rejection are fully insane and should be avoided for your own self preservation – especially if that person is named Devan.

- Scarlett

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment! Please 'follow" us by clicking on the "follow" link to the left of the site page. Glad you are reading.