10 March 2011

My first Vegan . . . donut!

For a date, I met this guy at an upscale farmer’s market. Being the country boy, I wanted to see what this farmer’s market was all about, so I was excited. The fact that I found a guy to go with me was icing on the cake!

We met there and started taking in all the sounds, smells, and sights! We passed a booth that sold fresh oysters. With a devilish grin, I said: “Personally, I prefer Rocky Mountain Oysters.”  Not phased, my date said: “Oh, I’m a vegetarian.” "Damn vegetarians," I thought to myself. But not letting it get to me I reply, “Oh don’t worry, I like my Rocky Mountain Oysters raw … and still attached …. to the cowboy.” With an ornery twinkle in my eye, he looked at me, like, what the hell. At this point, I committed the cardinal sin of a joke – I explained it.

Passing on in silence, I tried once more before the silence got awkward. Reaching for the low hanging fruit I say, “Yeah, I couldn’t be a vegetarian,” pause, grin, and look him square in the eye: “I like meat too much.” He groaned and said, “Oh, I get it.”

Fortunately, we passed a booth which sold vegan donuts. Never thought I would be grateful to see a vegan donut stand. “I’ll be: vegan donuts: let’s get one!” I say stopping at the booth. Then I saw the price, four bucks for a donut! It better be the best damned donut I had ever had. “Sure,” he said flatly. Trying to be nice, I paid for his donut. Writing this, I’m shaking my head - the things we do for men.

Expecting the worst, I took a bite and I’ll be damned if it didn’t taste like a donut! “Hey, this is pretty good!” I commented. “It’s ok,” he replied. “I really don’t like sweet things.” Needless to say, our date ended shortly without him getting a taste of my sweet meat!

Point of the conversation: Sometimes vegan donuts are better than vegan men.

- Rusty Peters

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