11 March 2011

Biter

Do you remember the time you made out with your friends’ brother? I do…. I lived in an apartment with a few girls junior year of college and one roommate's younger brother came up for the weekend - which was fine; we had all known each other since freshman year and all got along well. Said brother was only two years younger so I wasn’t total creeper-girl. I had been at a formal sucking down toasted almonds all night with a dear friend of mine, topped off with my first Marlboro light: a moment forever savored.

When I got back to my apartment, everyone was up at the other block of apartments for a party at my friends’ boyfriends’ apartment, all except for visiting brother dearest. He had been plotting to make his move and had enjoyed a few shots of triple sec before I got home. I barely had my canary yellow heels off and he was all up in my shit telling me how he just knew we had something from the first time he saw me – watch out for that triple sec kids, it makes you do crazy things! Anyway, he moved in for the kill and started to kiss me and I was immediately sobered up from my evening of intoxication. I pulled away and immediately went to the mirror to assess what had just happened. Brother dearest was a biter! That shit hurt and I had indentations of his canines in my lip!

I immediately charged up to the apartment where the party was going down and informed my friend that her brother was a biter and if he ever wanted to get a girlfriend, he needed to be informed of some things but I was not about to be his mentor. I should probably add that after the lip service, I did a few shots of vodka to kill the germs of my open wound and was back to feeling pretty tipsy so naturally this whole conversation with my friend was a good idea, as was her drunk dialing her parents to inform them they raised a bad kisser.

That was the last time I had encountered the biter as his sister and I are no longer in each other’s social circle, but word on the street is that he is married with children so I hope he did his research on someone else, unless she’s into Twilight and the whole vampire thing.

Point of the conversation: Sheryl Crow wasn’t lying when she said the first cut is the deepest; I just don’t think she was intending her song to be applied the incisors of young love.

- Scarlett

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