11 February 2011


I put up porn on the inside of my closet door as a joke. I wanted the affect of these spreads of muscular nude men to evoke the feeling of a high school locker, each time I went to get a t-shirt, I’d open the door and ignore the pictures while my guest would be left to feel uncomfortable.

I got the pics from magazines I bought in high school.When I was a Senior I had been experimenting with gay porn on the Internet after discovering I could download pictures or movies like I downloaded songs. The general anxiety from doing this was killer enough but when I ruined the family computer, it was over - the Internet was no longer an option.

While downtown, one day my best friend and I went into the Adult Store. Ona lark, we ended up browsing the magazines and I got him, the less shy of us, to buy me the magazine I said I wanted, “That one. The one with the surlylookin’ guy scowling and grabbing his crotch.”

I went back a few times on my own and through buying in bulk I amassed quite a collection. When I moved out and went to college they were put into a box and put away until I got the idea for the collage.

But it didn’t take long for my plan to make others uncomfortable backfired. I eventually took down all the pictures. Growing up and coming out, I kept my sexual fantasies and thoughts a deeply guarded secret and here I was showing off to everyone what was intensely private before. They may have been naked, but ironically I was the one who felt exposed. On top of it, these guys were like “old friends” to me and I couldn’t stand hearing them being scrutinized.

It was hard to explain to my straight friends how important these images and magazines were to me. Being gay is difficult for all kinds of reasons but for me one of the worst was “getting off” because I didn’t have anywhere to look. I couldn’t turn on MTV and see a thousand images to jerk off to; I had to get more creative like cutting out the gay phone sex ads from the back of SF Weekly. And let’s face it, in my neighborhood, no one’s dad kept a big stack of Bear in the back of his closet – at least that I was aware of.

I’m eternally grateful to my favorite magazine (for fear of product placement, I won’t give you the name) for being there, providing quality photos of nude gentlemenat a time when I so desperately needed it and couldn’t find it anywhere else.

In this day and age with magazines sales suffering I suggest, dear reader, that next time you’re feeling randy, put away your laptop and go buy a magazine.

Point of the conversation: When I have kids, I'm giving them as much gay porn as they want.

- Grant Canyon

1 comment:

  1. I agree; I personally prefer old school methods; macy*s sale mailers, universal male catalogues, and such ;)


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