28 December 2010

Gloria? I think I got your alias . . .

Happy Holidays, friends. How about the snow Sunday night? The year 2010 will be memorable for that and much more.

Speaking of, one of my more memorable "almost hook-ups" this past year was deceitful, tragic, and, quite frankly, ingenious. Truth be told, I have an affinity toward 6'2, 220 lbs, worked-out, COLT gods, so when one comes around sniffin' for a piece of DeeCue, who am I to deny? Hyde answered one of my late night ads the following day while I was at work at the copying machine. All I have to say is "thank you, little Sweet Baby Jesus for that privacy protector on my Blackberry;" when he revealed what he was packing, the 60 year-old secretary waiting behind me would have went into cardiac arrest had she peeped his 9-inch, one-eyed monster.

Hyde and I exchanged emails for about a week - strangely. Strangely because that is the only way we stayed in contact. He said the phone wasn't discreet enough. Also, every time I tried to meet up with him, he was always busy or he had to suddenly cancel plans. Until the one day he introduced an option that would help us meet easily - allegedly:

Hyde: Yo, DeeCue. I have a bud in town who I hang with. He gets jealous when I hang with other guys. I know what you're gonna say: don't tell him. But I can't do that to him. Here is a picture. Let me know if you'd be cool with hanging with him too. He has a place downtown and it's pretty safe and discreet. I've been there before. Let me know.
DeeCue: Pic is cool. Let's meet. Tonight.

So, the charade began. Hyde gave me his friend Jekyll's number so that I could text and arrange to be at his place for some drinks before he got there. Like a dope, I texted Jekyll and got to his place a little early to check out the scene and, more importantly, talk to him a little to find out what Hyde was like. When I got there, one of his girlfriends answered the door - someone who went to the same gym I did. What the . . .? Oh, hi! The plus side was that while I was sitting there talking to her semi-interested, I got an email from Hyde: "I'll be right there. I hear Samantha is there also."

Jekyll was someone I recognized immediately from posts and hook-up sites over the years - he was a master at the "Angles." Not someone I wanted to do anything with, but hey: take one for the team with an eye on the prize. He talked a lot of blah blah blah; a chubby, pretentious queen who needed to brag to make himself feel adequate in a room of decently good looking and relatively in-shape people - just an observation, not a judgment. So we waited and drank and waited and talked and drank.

As I looked at my watch thinking to myself, "Where the fuck is Hyde?," Jekyll snapped at me asking, "Do you have to be somewhere?" To which I said, "No." Oblivious to the clear and apparent bitchiness, Samantha took him into the bathroom asking for some make-up advice. (Not previously divulged information: he was a make-up artist for a department store.) And just like that, he was back in his element - just an observation, not a judgment.

Totally confused, I sent an email asking Hyde what time he was going to show up. The funny thing about owning a Blackberry is that you can access any and all email accounts that you may have, quite convenient when trying to separate hook-ups from work related correspondences. Well, lo and behold, I pressed send on my nifty telecommunications device and I hear a familiar "DING!" Jekyll left his Blackberry on the counter. It could have been a coincidence, so I sent another email to Hyde: "You there?" Send. And sure enough: "DING!"

Mother fucker was Jekyll AND Hyde! And now, drum roll please: insert judgment.

Point of the conversation: If you think they're hiding something, they're hiding something.

- DeeCue

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks for your comment! Please 'follow" us by clicking on the "follow" link to the left of the site page. Glad you are reading.