29 October 2010

DaDiva Code

Euphemism: the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant; meant to buffer harsh words.

They just don't translate in the gay world. They come across as trifling and bitchy. What's even funnier is that homos around the country, if not around the world, know exactly what this secret language is. It's like every man4man fan was given a coming-out manual and the only chapter that was read and committed to memory was chapter 2:  I hear what you're saying and I hear what you're not saying, a guide to decoding the bitchiness.

Oh, hiiiii. = I didn't expect to hear from you nor do I want to talk to you; I should have looked at my phone first before answering.

Drats! I'm having dinner with a friend tonight. = I don't want to hang out with you.

I'm running errands today. = I am sitting on my couch and I don't want to hang out with you.

Hm. = I will claw your eyes out if you ever THINK about coming around here again.

Good morning. = Get out. Now.

If dating a guy who has passive aggressive tendencies, you might want to brush up on this chapter in your manual as these harmless euphemisms are actually red flags early-on in the relationship.

Point of the conversation: Give your partner the attention he deserves = 3 strikes and it's over.

- DeeCue

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