19 August 2010

Dildo Boy








In 2009 I dated this guy I really liked.
We had both just ended long term relationships, so we understood (through an unspoken agreement) that we would keep things light and fun. I had been in a three year relationship with someone whom I loved dearly, but unfortunately had zero chemistry with in the sack. Essentially, he was my best friend, but that's it.  So naturally, coming out of a relationship like that left me hungry for passion, heat and excitement. 

We had the same sense of humor, enjoyed the same music and shared a lot in common; so from the beginning it was effortless. We would drink wine, talk and make-out for hours. One night, we drank a bottle of wine and ended up in bed. 

The first time having sex with someone new can be scary and intimidating. Intimately, it's two strangers trying to get to know each others' bodies, making each other feel good. Um, can you say pressure, anyone?  I've learned however, throw liquor into the equation and all inhibitions are usually out the window.

We stagger and stumble into my room, tearing-off each others' clothes drunk and... well, you get the picture. Seven minutes later we're laying there; he was as happy as a clam. I, to be totally candid, was neither impressed or satisfied. This was the second guy I had slept with since breaking up with my ex-boyfriend - was this my karma?
I figured, hey: I've already paid my dues to the love gods in bad sex over the last three years. I was expecting something more explosive, something that lasted a bit longer, but how could I express this to the adorable guy laying naked next to me? 

"Hell no!" I thought. I just ended a relationship that didn't please me sexually and I would be damned if I spent another night unsatisfied. So, at that moment I decided to pulled out all the stops and go to "Plan B." I turned over, reached across my night table and pulled out a hot pink, vibrating dildo.

Now this is where it gets interesting. As I established already, we were both drunk. Not slurring drooling drunk, but we drank enough that he didn't exactly recognize what it was holding. 

Me: "Use this," I stated while turning it on and handing it over
Dildo boy : "Wait is that a ..." 
Me: "It sure is . . . now don't be scared and let's finish this." 

I took full control, bossed him into using a sex toy to finish the job he shamelessly could not. 

Seven more minutes passed. 

Touchdown. 

Point of the conversation: Always have a "Plan B."


- La La




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