Never Stay

We've all heard that old adage "Just get out, gurl" in reference to bad or abusive relationships, but I've come to discover that such advice goes much much further.

I've had my share of "bad" relationships in my time. There was this guy, who opened his home to me after staying in my own was no longer an option, only to treat me with such disrespect that I actually found myself bargaining with my conscience to let me me stay. I knew it was bad for me, but all my other options were, at the time, worse. So I sucked it up and continue to spiral deeper until I was practically sleeping with my keys hidden on my body so as not to get them taken from me in the middle of the night, thus locking me out the next day.

We rationalize a lot in our lives. But one thing we should never do is settle for a home— whether it be with our parents, a partner, friends, or even the place we work— that is less than we deserve. Our environments shape us more radically than we think. Negativity is deathly contagious, and it'll make you watch as your dreams shrivel up and die.

I'm currently going through this transition with my career. Thankfully I have a wonderful partner and a place to live to help keep me grounded. I often wonder would I have the strength to stand up for myself and make such drastic changes if not for his support. I don't know... but I know who I am and who I want to be, and as I've stated before, if you don't decide who you are, someone else is going to do it for you...

You are your environment— make it beautiful. 

No matter what,

Xoxo
Johnny C

Pride & Prejudice

It takes all kinds to make the world to round— some more desirable than others— but, my father said something rather profound to me this weekend, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

There's this guy, who I'm forced to see on nearly a daily basis, that I can't stand. He's the Judgey Judy type— rude, snippy, disrespectful, overly critical (of everyone and everything but himself), always the bubble popper and the first to tell you what you can and can't do. He's the loudest in the room, even talking over those already speaking. He appears to have no regard for the feelings of others (whether sociopathic or an attempt to mask his own insecurities and pain— idk), and he can never seem to shut up about his own asinine accomplishments. The spotlight must always be aimed on him— which makes me wonder if he even realizes how much it exposes his ugly flaws. I'd like to think I've gotten pretty good at abstaining from rolling my eyes (a habitual habit of mine), but around him, I fall off the wagon.

Yet as my father said, every now and then, something comes out of his mouth that's actually helpful. The question then becomes, do I swallow my pride and put aside my prejudices or blow him off like every cell in my body is screaming for me to do?

I think it's sort of like admitting when you're wrong. It's difficult. Accepting that someone you despise can actually help you forces you to go: "Maybe I wasn't 100% right about this person...?"

Granted, he may still be an ass. And the minute I'm free from him I'm taking off like a Kenyan after a gazelle. But I've learned, if forced to be around people I don't like, I shouldn't shut them out completely.

They may just say something worth a listen.


Stay objective. 

XoXo
Johnny C

Tubular Tuesdays: Good Morning

I can't.

This is Everything.

I. Die.

Rachel Zoe via DeeCue

Thursday COCKtail

This is a repost from GayList.com. Such a great heads up, on cocktails giving an alternative to just using fattening cream as part of it's recipe. HOWEVER, although I have been known to be a cum-guzzler for lack of a better nomen, I am a tad horrified - yet still turned on - by the premeditated use of a splash of semen to replace the cream in a white russian . . .

A good bartender puts his heart and soul into every cocktail.

A great bartender goes just a little further. As in all the way. 

Yes, we’re simultaneously pleased and horrified to present you with what could be the best gay gift ever: Semenology – The Semen Bartender’s Handbook by Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer. 

We’ll pause while that fully sinks in.

The follow-up to Natural Harvest (another recipe book utilizing everybody’s favorite protein source) is a brilliant idea. Because if it’s one thing we’ve been missing, it’s cocktails that make us clear our throats for the next two hours.

Of course, it’s recommended that you only procure the main ingredient from a trusted source. And preferably one with an aversion to asparagus.

The book is chock full of delicious recipes and we must admit, the Gay List Daily test kitchen has never been more lively. (Or sticky.)

Thanks to Semenology, Happy Hour has taken on a whole new meaning.

As does tossing one back.

Semenology – The Semen Bartender’s Handbook
$20.66 at amazon.com

Typecast

We all have a type— you know, that perfect recipe of physical features and personality traits that make even the butchest of us swoon like a southern belle. And no matter how versatile and open minded we proclaim ourselves to be, biology rules. But upon seeing the new flick The Host last weekend, it got me thinking about something that I haven’t given much thought since reading the novel— You never know where you’re going to find your home.

We all have ideas about who we’re going to fall in love with, what kind of life would make us happy; but is having such a crystallized vision healthy, or does it keep us from seeing ourselves, and the ones we chose to love, objectively?

There was this guy. I dreamed about him for as long as I could remember— tall, strong, soft muscle, chiseled jaw with a touch of scruff, dark hair, light eyes, confident yet not cocky, laid back, kind and sensitive to others, someone content with his lot in life, stable, supportive. I searched for him everywhere....

Two things happened as a result— either I chased after guys I thought embodied all those traits yet really I was just projecting what I wanted them to be, or, I ignored, and often times hurt, genuinely sweet guys who would’ve been better for me than any dream I could muster up.

Love comes in more shapes and sizes than you can shake your wand at. My narrow view of what would make me happy prevented me from seeing that until it was too late. So you know that cutie at the bar who’s a little soft around the midsection, or that faithful friend of yours you never bothered to give two jerks towards...

Look a little longer; you may be surprised at what you will find.

As I said, you never know where you’re going to find your home. There are more things in heaven and earth than any of us can dream up.

Xoxo

Johnny C

Sunday Tap: Options

Someone a while back gave me the best piece of dating advice. If you can't wait for it, just skip the narrative and look for the point of the conversation at the end.

Dating should be "easy" and you really shouldn't have to "work" at it. Easy in the sense that there really shouldn't be any resistance on either part to have the relationship at all and work in the sense that you shouldn't have to be keeping the relationship a secret from your family who have been fighting for decades and the only way you can be together is by faking your own death so that the two of you can live in the town over that may or may not be contaminated with some sort of plague in the soil. That or trying to schedule and reschedule a time when you can meet up in your busy schedules.

Hoping not to jinx anything, I'm writing today's missive the morning of a talk I'm about to have. It's the "where do I stand" talk. I know, I know. I hate it too and if you even have to have it, you may already have your answer. But here's the thing (because there's always a thing), when you invest time into something and you grow to care about someone, you want to know that there is a reasonable and rational explanation to things and events.

Without getting into much detail about it, a weekend when my schedule has opened up to spend a glorious spring weekend with my boo, it so happens that two groups of friends from out of town have come in to NYC on holiday and another whom he won't be able to attend an engagement party. Enter me - someone who was supposed to hang with him has now been bumped out. And only after an emotion-filled text of just "Ok." did I get a reschedule. I mean, aren't we dating? I felt like a friend more than a guy who's been with someone for more than two weeks.

So here's the deal: Why didn't he just come up with an alternative on his own? Why did I have to prod on like a needy fuck? Why didn't he just invite me at some point, with or without his friends? But here's the other deal: one group are family friends. Then there is the engagement guy. Then there are his friends from home. I understand - to some extent. I probably wouldn't want him meeting any of the three groups if these worlds collided one long weekend for me.

So, part of me just wants to brush it under the rug because of how great it is when I am actually with him and I really will forget everything else that just happened. But the question is SHOULD I forget?

Hoping for the best.

Point of the conversation: Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option.

- DeeCue